Slick: Vice President Elect of The Dukes of Hazzard Institute
The buzz around city hall has Christopher Nelson aka "Slick" gettin elected as Vice President of the Dukes of Hazzard Institute.
I knew that local boy would win. Rosco doubted me but I knew it I tell ya, I knew it. That candidate brought somethin to the table that no other applicants had: experience
And his platform was rock solid. ..And I quote:
*Make Daisy Duke shorts mandatory uniform for girls in public high schools. And women's prisons.
*Instead of the Rose Garden at the White House, all international peace treaties will be signed at the Boar's Nest and notarized by Enos.
*Legalize prostitution as long as it's in an RV.
*Administer a paternity test to the General Lee to finally put an end to the rumors that he fathered a gay son who would later go on to star in Knight Rider.
*Big city criminals will be subject to the Three Strikes Law: Three strikes and you have to spend a week in Uncle Jesse's overalls.
*To combat the insurgents in Iraq, all Humvees will be painted General Lee orange and equipped with compound bows and dynamite-tipped arrows.
*End our culture of insensitivity and inequality - all handicapped and mentally challenged people will be referred to as "Cooter".
*Initiate a new classroom flag pledge - "I pledge allegiance to the flag...on the side of the General Lee. And to the car, on which it lands, one Hemi, under the hood, for donuts and air jumps for all".
Slick even has his own vice presidential campaign airplane.
That boy's got a bright future ahead of him. I knew it when he gave his most eloquent opening campaign speech:
"Today is the first day of the rest of history! Too much
time has passed since the Dukes of Hazzard graced the television sets of Americans, instilling real moral values and establishing interesting laws of physics. Too many people today talk of Red states and Blue states. I want to paint all states one color - General Lee orange(!) and make sure that all children shall not go without their daily meal of Luke, Bo, Daisy, Roscoe, Boss, Cooter, Enos and of course, Uncle Jesse. If elected, I promise to labor tirelessly, to moonshine relentlessly, to off-road courageously until the spirit of the Dukes is known from halls of Hazzard County to the shores of San Jose! God Bless, and good morning."
I gets all emotional just thinkin about it. I can remember when he was just another little Hazzard boy chasin around that mobile home maddam and guard'n my liquor money.
I knew that local boy would win. Rosco doubted me but I knew it I tell ya, I knew it. That candidate brought somethin to the table that no other applicants had: experience
And his platform was rock solid. ..And I quote:
*Make Daisy Duke shorts mandatory uniform for girls in public high schools. And women's prisons.
*Instead of the Rose Garden at the White House, all international peace treaties will be signed at the Boar's Nest and notarized by Enos.
*Legalize prostitution as long as it's in an RV.
*Administer a paternity test to the General Lee to finally put an end to the rumors that he fathered a gay son who would later go on to star in Knight Rider.
*Big city criminals will be subject to the Three Strikes Law: Three strikes and you have to spend a week in Uncle Jesse's overalls.
*To combat the insurgents in Iraq, all Humvees will be painted General Lee orange and equipped with compound bows and dynamite-tipped arrows.
*End our culture of insensitivity and inequality - all handicapped and mentally challenged people will be referred to as "Cooter".
*Initiate a new classroom flag pledge - "I pledge allegiance to the flag...on the side of the General Lee. And to the car, on which it lands, one Hemi, under the hood, for donuts and air jumps for all".
Slick even has his own vice presidential campaign airplane.
That boy's got a bright future ahead of him. I knew it when he gave his most eloquent opening campaign speech:
"Today is the first day of the rest of history! Too much
time has passed since the Dukes of Hazzard graced the television sets of Americans, instilling real moral values and establishing interesting laws of physics. Too many people today talk of Red states and Blue states. I want to paint all states one color - General Lee orange(!) and make sure that all children shall not go without their daily meal of Luke, Bo, Daisy, Roscoe, Boss, Cooter, Enos and of course, Uncle Jesse. If elected, I promise to labor tirelessly, to moonshine relentlessly, to off-road courageously until the spirit of the Dukes is known from halls of Hazzard County to the shores of San Jose! God Bless, and good morning."
I gets all emotional just thinkin about it. I can remember when he was just another little Hazzard boy chasin around that mobile home maddam and guard'n my liquor money.
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